Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i think i have herpe
just one?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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