Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
