she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
