well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize