Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
