Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
