That's when you crack a 10am beer
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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