But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
