Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
