i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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