How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
