I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
