sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
