you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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