im drinking this country out of the recession.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
