Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
