I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
