just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
