i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
