His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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