And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
