I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize