Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
