Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
