Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
