theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
