i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
