I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
