When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
