You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
