That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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