I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
