If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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