dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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