I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize