She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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