sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
