I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
