i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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