Did you just see the Batmobile???
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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