Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
