So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
