Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
