just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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