you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize