whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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