My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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