What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
