Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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