I got chris browned last night
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
