White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
