I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
