four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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