I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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