You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
