She said her name was "party"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
