woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
