I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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