I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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