it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
