Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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