I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
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