I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
