Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
