YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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