i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
