The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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