there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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