I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Mom said you looked used
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
