New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The feeling are messing with the penis
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
