Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
