My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
