Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
When did angry sex become our thing?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
