That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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