dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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