Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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