I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
