Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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