Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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