It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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