Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
