Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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